Splitsvilla is back and it’s as magnificent as ever. Let’s
keep in mind that this is Splitsvilla X (that’s the Roman
numeral for 10, which is impressive in itself). If a show has been running for
10 years, it means that whatever we may think of it there’s obviously an
audience for it.
This time around, according to Splitsvillla’s
permanent host Rannvijay Singh (who is proof of the fact that MTV is as good an
employee as Tata or ITC, since you can work there from the age of 23 to 65),
the show has a question, “Is there any science to love?” And there’re many
experiments of love to find out. It’s all very cerebral.
The experiments are the creatively named “Pyaar
Ka Ras”, where contestants will pass pieces of fruit to each other by
holding the fruit in their mouths. The next is “Kiss Kiss Ko”, where a
male contestant will stand bare-chested while multiple female contestants kiss
his bare chest and leave lipstick marks on it. Then there’s “BDSM–Bhigoke
Dhoke Sukhake Maro”, where female contestants will wet a hanky, wring it
dry and then smack the boys’ bare backs with it. And finally—if you haven’t
passed out from the sure tawdriness of it all—there is “Ring A Ding Dong”,
which had the boys standing with their legs apart while the girls use large
poles to ring a bell from between the boy’s leg.
I want to take a moment to appreciate the genius
creative producer who came up with these “scientific experiments”. There is
also an—wait for it—oracle, which looked like a large light under a dome which
will announce results and decide which two contestants should end up together.
Again, let us take a moment to appreciate that someone at MTV India knew the
word “oracle”, even if they didn’t really understand what it was.
What’s worrying is the number of youngsters and
millennials, who seem to have flocked to MTV to take part in this show. The
ages range from 19 to 28. There are young women who have come from Australia, a
Miss India Australia—who by her own admission is the perfect blend of beauty
and intelligence. Another one from Mumbai said she was cute, classy and
elegant, bold and strong. There’s a girl from Lucknow, another from Kolkata.
They all seem fairly bright and presentable and some are extremely attractive.
And they have decided to find their fortunes on Splitsvilla, for
some reason.
And, of course, there is Sunny Leone, who has
become the co-host of Splitsvilla for the past few seasons.
Leone entered the set, while Farida Khanum’s Aaj Jaane Ke Zid Na
Karo played. My apologies to Khanum. I have to say, every time I see
Leone I get more impressed by how she’s managed a total makeover of her image.
The contestants were shrieking with joy at seeing her, she looked elegant and
stunning, and is totally at ease playing the host. The first experiment we saw was The
7-second Rule. The girls sat with boards where they could swipe right or
left. And they’d see the boys dressed in nothing but shorts for 7 seconds and
would have to accept or reject them. I keep thinking if these kids focused as
much on their studies or even developing a skill—such as acting or a
sport—they’d be highly successful. The way they analysed why they swiped right
on someone or not, was quite impressive. Someone was too tall, someone was too
fair, someone was too sweet. There was a restaurateur. And it broke my heart to
see a state-level basketball player, as a contestant.
The girls then went on group dates with the boys
they’d selected. Dates which were so dull and boring that I had to drink
gallons of coffee to stay awake. The only virtue in this programme is that the
girls and boys are on an even objectification playing field. The boys are ogled
at as much as the girls are. But equal objectification and equal vacuity are
hardly pinnacles of virtue.
What is worrying is that this seems to be a
viable career option for people who seem have had the opportunity of education
and seem to be monetarily comfortable. They are choosing to take part in this
show—and seem to be enjoying themselves while doing so. Of course, many of them
may want to be MTV veejays. But to have to repeatedly kiss sweaty strangers on
their waxed chests and backs as a ticket to employment seems way beyond the
call of duty.
The kids are not alright. And MTV Splitsvilla is
testament to this.
If you’d like to see why strict parenting is
important, tune into MTV at 7pm on Sundays to watch Splitsvilla.
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